I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So many bounce houses so little time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
