your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize