Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize