I wish my penis had an off switch
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
