glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
we should paint friendship bongs
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