I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
