So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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