Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
