and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
