How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
