its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
