I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
