fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
