@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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