She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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