This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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