i permit you to call me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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