He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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