so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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