One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize