I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
