Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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