I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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