Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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