Three words: puerto rican gang bang
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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