My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
