I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
