i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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