Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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