So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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