Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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