He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
