I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
