Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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