brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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