Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
