apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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