a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
