I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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