I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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