Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
