he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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