I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
