The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
