therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize