they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
