Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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