I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
