I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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