he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
