she looked like the before picture.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
