am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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