After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
