Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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