PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
