SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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