Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
