my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
