my phone needs a breathalizer
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Im part way to drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You are a genius and a whore.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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