His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
