You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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