I'm lost and stupid without you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
