Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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