As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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