if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
