evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
