I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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