capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
