her vagine was all disorganized.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
