she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
