Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
